Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
