the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
