If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
