These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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