Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize