I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
