okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
