He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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