there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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