the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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