I skipped work to stalk him.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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