I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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