and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
