My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
