I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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