His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
