You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
