You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
