I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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