You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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