She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize