we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
