How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
