He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
