I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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