I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Holy shit dude........stairs
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