omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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