Please, let me fuck your mom
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
