Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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