if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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