Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
