Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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