He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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