one two three fourrrrnication!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
