oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
