i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Randomize
