i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
