Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
