It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
