party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
