Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
