32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
