i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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