The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
