Umm I'm too high to move.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
