just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
