How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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