therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
