I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
