sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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