i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
