i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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