come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize