the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize