I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
