You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
