Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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