The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
