i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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