My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
