Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
