just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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