You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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