So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
