Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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