i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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