It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
