Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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