ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
