Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
