Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
