You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My cat gives me a boner
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
