On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
