Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
