I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
