Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
