Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
