it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
