Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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