Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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