Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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