There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
