32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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