were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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