when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
