Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
