dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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