Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize